What If I Told You That I love You, Omotayo?

I told the one I love that I was going to blog about him. I couldn’t see his facial expression but I am certain I surprised him. Now that I am here, on my blog, I don’t know what to write about. I have to give special thanks to my Dad and Eseosa. They made me realize how lovely it’s to love, for the sake of love.

I guess you might be wondering how I knew it is love I feel for him. I knew it the first day I met him. I raked his body with my eyes and I am certain he did the same thing because I felt butterflies below. He didn’t seem to flinch under my sarcasm. He matched my snide remarks tit for tat. One of the first chats we had, he said ‘I don’t trust you.’ I had not met him in person then but I liked him instantly. I loved his blatant honesty, he did not have the patience to mince words. You see, my heart went for him because of mental intimacy before physical attraction.

I had written love poems before I met him but falling in love with him gave my writings life. That’s what love does, right? He made me want to make word planes and take him to cloud nine. The first day I wrote him a letter, it felt good. I wanted him to know that he is the soul behind most of my poems. I am drawn to something within him, something rare, mystique and special. My inner goddess is attracted to this thing inside of him.

There are times when I am uncertain if what I feel for him is love. On those days when I am uncertain, I become downcast. I am unable to write because he has become my muse. I read somewhere that for writers, nothing is more important than their work, not even love. This statement doesn’t hold true for me.

I can hear you, my dear daughter of Afri-fan singing ‘egungun be careful, na express you dey go.’ I am afraid, it’s too late ‘motor don jam me.’ I felt that my love would never be returned because ‘to love’ means a lot to me. It didn’t deter me from falling deeply in love with him. It seemed everytime I fell and hit a surface, my inner goddess tunneled through into the well of love.

No, The Universe did not say that you would love someone who would not love you back. All it did, was show you that you could love without demand or condition. Wholly. –T.H.E

He loves me too, in the conventional way.

I have this burning urge to make him immortal. I want to write a story about him but first, I want to live, for him, with him. I hope my words become a thread that binds us together, till whatever end.

Once, he fixed his eyes on me and asked me ‘What would you call me?’ I gave no answer then. When I read ‘In Dependence’ by Sarah Ladipo Manyika I found the answer to the question he asked me on the page where Tayo translated his name for Vanessa. I call him Omotayo, it means ‘the one who gives me joy.’

With him, there are rough edges that remind me life is no bed of roses. With him, there’s a certain freedom, peace and safety I feel. With him I know my silence is heard more clearly than my chattering. Has he not told me ‘your silence speaks so loudly?’ With him I don’t feel the need to build up defences, it’s as though he holds the key to my heart and soul. With him I feel like a man can be a great audience. When he stares at me I feel beautiful inside out because I know he’s taking in the beauty inside of me as well.

It is so scary to love someone as much as I love him. It’s even scarier because I didn’t start to love him because I want to be loved. I love him for the sake of love, because to love is the right thing to do.

I knew I love him because unconsciously I say a prayer for him. I am not a sport person but the first day, he said ‘I love you.’ My inner goddess did back flips. My heart leaps each time he says it.

I know people can fall in love and out of love, but since I am in love with him, it’s till whatever end.

Tell me, have you ever loved someone? How did it feel? Was your love returned? Was your heart broken? Are you in love? How does it feel? Your dearest daughter of Africa, will appreciate your comments. I want to hear your love story since you have heard mine. Oblige my request by dropping it in the comment section.

Stay tuned, I intend to serve you something else soon, something exquisite and mouth watering, if this isn’t that already.